Dating to Marry: What is my “ministry?”

I’m learning a lot about what it means to date intentionally as a Christian.

One of the questions that PPC poses to the men is “what is your ministry?” And would the person you are dating being a suitable helper in following and supporting that vision? An example he is apt to give is if the husband is called by God to be a missionary that stays in different third-world countries, is the wife excited to follow?

But what about the majority of us who are not in church ministry full-time? Will God come down in a vision and tell us with absolute specificy what the ministry should be? And don’t get married until that happens? Do the sisters check for this absolute specificity before deciding to say yes or no?

I was talking with A and a helpful metaphor that S (married) had in his head when dating N was am I the person being sent or am I the sender? For example, am I the person rappeling down into the canyon? Or am I the person that is holding him at the top?

As for the sisters, it seems like they want a man that will lead and have thought seriously about what his ministry is (which I believe is the same as discovering and obeying what God’s will).

PPC gave some guidance to T as well. Throw out “chemistry” to a large degree. Instead, let that guiding question lead you to start thinking and praying about your answers to:

How should we raise our kids? When will they be given smartphones? Can they play videogames and watch TV? If at all? Should the go to public or private school? Why? Are both of us willing to work if it is required to make that happen?

(Another helpful question: What part of how my parents raised me do I wish to replicate? To change? What is biblical? )

How should we spend our extra money? Should we have expensive things? Should we live in an expensive home?

How should we spend our free time?

How much time should we serve the church? Our immediate family? Our extended family? Our friends? With each other?

How will I directly and indirectly evangelize to my coworkers, suppliers and buyers? How many hours a week will that take?

What kind of music will we listen to?

Will we do devotionals together? How often?

Will we encourage each other and keep each other accountable?

Are we first and foremost subservient to God our Savior and Lord?

Will I submit to God?

Will she submit to me?

Will the children submit to her?

Will the younger siblings submit to the older sibling?

Will the oldest sibling take responsbility?

Will she take responsiblity?

Will I take responsiblity?